NFL Futures for 2009 – The Middle of the Pack

The 2008-09 Furious NFL Year-In Review – Underachievers Delight

The bottom feeding cellar dwellers were highlighted in a previous article. Now come the letdown teams. These teams got you all wet to open the season, only to let somebody else blow their load. Did your team make the list? If you’re cringing before you read this, then they probably did…

WE’RE DOING THIS BADLY? SERIOUSLY?

25. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-11)

Nobody was more excited for a breakout season than the Jaguars. And rightfully so. Last year, the Jags finished 11-5 SU, proving to the betting public that they were worth a gander. David Garrard was rewarded with a fat contract, a starting spot, and an arsenal worthy of a Matt Jones coke party (too far?).

Instead, the Jags fell to a 5-11 SU record, bouncing to 4-12 ATS and completely destroying their fanbase and betting backers in the process. Call it the curse of Mike Tice, or the plague of overhype. Call it whatever you want. I just call it a letdown. At least they won’t have to trade up for that eighth draft pick. This year the league will give it to them for free!

NFL Futures: +3000

24. Green Bay Packers (6-10

If the aftermath of Brett Favre leaving is this awful, then I don’t want to be the New York Jets right now. All the metrics indicated that the Packers should not have been this bad. They’re a top-10 team in passing and a top-5 team in scoring. So how did they only win six games? Who knows. But if they can come up with a logical excuse for their football failures, then I can probably use that excuse to explain to my one-night stands exactly what the hell is wrong with me. I’m running out of, “this never happens” cards…

NFL Futures: +2500

23. Denver Broncos (8-8)

Bwahahahahahahaha *deep breath in* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Suck it, Shanahan! Your days of screwing with my fantasy gameplan are over! OVER!

NFL Futures: +3000

22. Buffalo Bills (7-9)

There were big hopes for the Bills, who won their first four games of the season as they gave the spread a St. Pierre-style beating. Then, well, the rest of the season unfolded. J.P. Losman made his return; tremendous vomiting in Buffalo ensued. Marshawn Lynch is the ugliest man in football, but he can sure run the damn ball. This is the third season in a row they’ve, not only letdown their NFL betting fandom, but also finished 7-9 SU on the season. Yikes.

NFL Futures: +4000

21. San Francisco 49ers (7-9)

Yes, Shaun Hill was a better choice than J.T. O’Freaking Sullivan. Yes, it was a bad idea to let Mike Martz run your offence. Yes, it was amazing when Singletary dropped his pants to inspire his team. And no, that technique will not work for you ever. Ever. Oh, by the way, yes, San Francisco will be better next year. Way better.

NFL Futures: San Francisco +6000

20. New Orleans Saints (8-8)

The poster child for “underachiever” lives at the Superdome, where the 8-8 SU Saints “rewarded” their betting faithful. And by “rewarded” I mean “completely smothered with discontent and broken dreams”. I’m not sure if the Drew Brees-Dan Marino comparisons are fair. Brees hasn’t even had the chance to lose a Superbowl, and has zero, totally awesome cameos in a Jim Carey movie. Of course, if he ends up in the booth swearing at co-workers and getting thrown under the bus by Boomer. What a life.

NFL Futures: New Orleans +2500

Next Up: Your Meltdown Specialists…“It’s getting hot in here! Oh wait, my career’s going down in flames…crap”