NFL Furious Power Rankings Week 3

The rankings impersonated a game of Jenga this week, with the top dogs tumbling to the bottom, and cellar dwellers being shifted up top. Something you have to understand about the way we do the rankings at BetOnline: NFL betting angles count. We’re not grading teams on their reputation; the notion that they’ve ‘been’ good doesn’t count. It’s 2009 and we live in the present, so having a flawless record is the only way we even think of putting your favorite bet in the top-10 (unless you’re Denver). The ATS record is always going to be a tie-breaker with our rankings. It’s kind of a tie-breaker for us, especially since we’re – you know – BetOnline and all.

Don’t get your panties in a ruffle because of the way we’ve stacked teams in Week 3. Who they’ve beaten, or lost to, counts to us. You don’t get points for beating up on crappy teams in our books, are going undefeated in 2007. Things don’t normalize for the next five weeks, and if we ranked teams by playoff probability, then we’d have the same top-10 teams all year. If you want a raw rankings for the real NFL, then read on.

1. New York Giants (2-0 SU/ATS)

I already covered that Manningham and Steve Smith have been Giants for over two years each, and that the Giants’ coaching staff is asserting itself as an elite unit. You may hate Eli Manning, but you can’t argue with his delivery of passes…or results. Two spread wins, and two victories over divisional rivals, put the Giants on top of the NFL rankings.

Next Game: NYG -6.5 vs. Tampa Bay

2. New York Jets (2-0 SU/ATS)

Dirty Sanchez won’t stay here for long, but when your defense keeps Tom Brady, and Randy Moss for that matter, out of the endzone, you get the nod from us. Sanchez only threw for 163-yards and one score in a tight 16-9 victory, but he didn’t lose the game for the Jets’ betting fans either. This defense has one of the best minds in Rex Ryan.

Next Game: Tennessee vs. NYJ (-3)

3. Minnesota Vikings (2-0 SU/ATS)

Sure, they’ve only beaten the Browns and Lions, but who cares? This team looks great, and the trio of Favre-Harvin-Peterson looks like they can score every time they get the ball. They’ve got two road wins secured, and more importantly they have a soft schedule. Only three of their final eight games are in cold weather stadiums, but by the time they get to Week 14, they’ll have this division clinched.

Next Game: San Francisco vs. Minnesota (-6.5)

4. Baltimore Ravens (2-0 SU/ATS)

The Ravens defense has allowed 50-points in the last two games, but they’re also saving games for this franchise. Ray Lewis ate Darren Sproles on the final play to win the game, and the Ravens offense has piled up 67-points while defending the spread. Times are a changing in Baltimore.

Next Game: Cleveland vs. Baltimore (-14)

5. New Orleans Saints (2-0 SU, 2-0 ATS)

Is Brees the best quarterback in Saints history yet? Can we please stop talking about Archie Manning? Don’t we get enough Manning stuffed down our throats?

Next Game: New Orleans (-6) vs. Buffalo

6. Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1 SU, 0-2 ATS)

The Steelers lost a game because Jeff Reed was inexplicably bad. It certainly doesn’t help that Willie Parker has rushed for just 66-yards this season, and still hasn’t found the endzone. Do you miss Alan Faneca yet, Pittsburgh?

Next Game: Pittsburgh -6 vs. Cincinnati

7. Indianapolis Colts (2-0 SU, 1-1 ATS)

It’s so cute to see Peyton Manning crediting his little brother as the inspiration for winning a game with young receivers. Now if only brother Eli would let him in on how to beat the Patriots.

Next Game: Indianapolis vs. Arizona

8. Atlanta Falcons (2-0 SU/ATS)

I’m sorry for doubting you in the summer, Matt Ryan. You’re apparently very good at football. It’s a good thing your defense has allowed an averaged of just 17.4 points per game too.

Next Game: Atlanta vs. New England (-5)

9. San Francisco 49ers (2-0 SU/ATS)

Don’t think they belong here? Think again. With Hasselbeck out, and the Cardinals still unsure for the future, the Niners are seizing control of the NFC West. Shaun Hill isn’t going to lose you a football game; he’s waited far too long to be a starter in the NFL. If this team had Michael Crabtree, I’d be terrified of the Niners in the NFC. They’re going to be in the playoffs, and that deserves a tip of the ol’ hat from BetOnline, especially when you cover two weeks in a row.

Next Game: San Francisco vs. Minnesota (-6.5)

10. Green Bay Packers (1-1 SU/ATS)

No Greg Jennings? No chance. The Packers lost to the Bungles, and now we’re beginning to question whether they have the moxy to survive the season. Chad Clifton is hurt, and Rodgers has been sacked 10 times in two games. If they can’t find some answers soon, then they’re going to keep slipping.

Next Game: Green Bay (-8.5) vs. St. Louis

11. New England Patriots (1-1 SU, 0-2 ATS)

You don’t get credit just for being Tom Brady. Sure, you rallied against Buffalo after they fumbled their season away. But losing to the Jets showed how human Brady was. Going winless against the spread shows that the oddsmakers have these guys in the crosshairs. Buyer beware.

Next Game: Atlanta vs. New England (-5)

12. Buffalo Bills (1-1 SU, 2-0 ATS)

Terrell Owens made up for a dropped deep pass that would’ve been a touchdown, and Trent Edwards continued his under-celebrated, and meteoric, rise. McKelvin had garbage dumped on his front lawn, though neighbors assure him that they merely fumbled the trash can by taking it all the way to the curb instead of keeping it four feet from the street like their wives told them. Now, the home of Donte Whittner has been robbed for over $400K of jewelry. Do you believe in omens? If you’re a Buffalo Bills fan, you sure as hell do.

Next Game: New Orleans (-6) vs. Buffalo

13. Houston Texans (1-1 SU, 1-1 ATS)

When a team hangs 34-points on the Titans, they get some respect from us. It hasn’t made us forget their horrific performance against the Jets, but a win against Jacksonville will cure a lot of woes in Houston. Yes they have problems, but this is Houston we’re talking about. Between T-Mac, Apollo 13, the Astros firing Cecil Cooper, Yao Ming’s foot, incessant flooding and Matt Schaub’s erratic play, it’s a great place to live!

Next Game: Jax vs. Houston (-3.5)

14. Dallas Cowboys (1-1 SU/ATS)

How does Dallas lose a game by just two-points when Tony Romo throws three goddamn interceptions? Because nobody fails like America’s Team! Go Cowboys!

Next Game: Carolina vs. Dallas (-6.5)

15. San Diego Chargers (0-2 SU / ATS)

Repeat after me: Do not hand off a goal-line carry to win the game to a 5-foot-6, 185 pound running-back. Do not hand off a goal-line carry to win the game to a 5-foot-6, 185 pound running-back. Do not hand off a goal-line carry to win the game to a 5-foot-6, 185 pound running-back.

Next Game: Miami vs. San Diego

16. Arizona Cardinals (1-1 SU, 1-1 ATS)

That’s how you bounce back from a devastating loss to the Niners! The Cardinals erupted all over Jacksonville, enough to bring them back to respectability. But that win is going to be marred unless Jacksonville gets its act together. The Cardinals get the Colts in Glendale, and then we’ll get to see how good they really are. Prediction: not very.

Next Game: Indianapolis vs. Arizona

17. Chicago Bears (1-1 SU, 1-1 ATS)

The presence of Jay Cutler was supposed to open up the rushing attack. So how come the Bears only managed 43-yards on the ground? Because Matt Forte is one of the more overrated second-year backs in the league.

Next Game: Chicago (-1) vs. Seattle

18. Oakland Raiders (1-1 SU, 2-0 ATS)

They hung tough and lost to San Diego. They made sure they didn’t drop another game to a division rival by riding Run DMC to the endzone, and eventual victory. Too bad all of this is overshadowed by JaMarcus Russell’s 7-for-28 effort, and just 166 total yards of offense.

Next Game: Denver vs. Oakland (-2.5)

19. Tennessee Titans (0-2 SU/1-1 ATS)

Is there a better winless team in the league? The Titans couldn’t get their offense going against Pittsburgh, and their defense couldn’t stop Matt Schaub. The Titans will rise again, but going winless to open the season does not bode well for a team that faces the Jets, Colts and Patriots before their Week 7 bye.

Next Game: Tennessee vs. NYJ (-3)

20. Denver Broncos (2-0 SU/ATS)

“But they have two wins!” I don’t care. Kyle Orton is their quarterback and they’ve overcome the Bengals and Browns. Excuse me if we’re not impressed. Why do people keep forgetting that Kyle Orton is Kyle Orton? Can I make police feel the same way about me and my criminal record? Do I have to grow a beard to accomplish this? I’m just kidding, by the way. I can’t grow a full beard.

Next Game: Denver vs. Oakland (-2.5)

21. Philadelphia Eagles (1-1 SU/ATS)

With Donavan McNabb healthy, they’re a top-10 team. With a loss to the Saints, and Kevin Kolb playing like Kevin Kolb, you can expect more losses. And no, Jeff Garcia and Michael Vick can not save this team as starting quarterbacks.

Next Game: KC vs. Philadelphia

22. Cincinnati Bengals (1-1 SU/ATS)

How Ochocinco made it out alive after doing the Lambeau Leap is beyond me. One fan was giving him the finger, while another was trying to push him away. How come people weren’t pulling him in to the stands and devouring him like a swarm of locusts? If the Packers fans want to be the 12th man, that’s what they should do. If we want any measure of how good Cincinnati actually is, we’ll see it against Pittsburgh next week.

Next Game: Pittsburgh -6 vs. Cincinnati

23. Miami Dolphins (0-2 SU/ATS)

It says a lot when you give the Colts a run for their money. But as exciting as the Wildcat was supposed to be, was it not just upsettingly boring? They ran that formation 1,536 times (I could be over exaggerating here) and still lost thanks to some magic from the Colts – and that’s ultimately why they’re ranked so low. They have zero wins against the spread, and they threw their entire playbook at a depleted Colts defense, and still lost.

Next Game: Miami vs. San Diego

24. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-2 SU/ATS)

The Bucs are rank 4th in the league in total yards per game with 401.5. Too bad they’re only managing 20.5 points per game. Without Antonio Bryant, they lack a credible receiver. I can’t tell if Byron Leftwich is hurling footballs, or crippled ducks stuffed with failure. Not even in HD. I know. It’s weird.

Next Game: NYG -6.5 vs. Tampa Bay

25. Carolina Panthers (0-2 SU/ATS)

Look on the bright side, Carolina. At least Jake Delhomme only threw one interception. And he’ll never have to play a team named after birds again this season…until they play Atlanta again.

Next Game: Carolina vs. Dallas (-6.5)

26. Washington Redskins (1-1 SU/0-1-1ATS)

If tying a football game is equivalent to kissing your sister, then tying the spread against St. Louis is the equivalent of sodomizing yourself with a turkey baster. Zero touchdowns against the Rams? Are you kidding me?

Next Game: Washington -6.5 vs. Detroit

27. Seattle Seahawks (0-2 SU/ATS)

The Hawks lost Matt Hasselbeck to a fractured rib, and before you get all “oh he’s ok! He left the hospital” as if he’d been touched by Jesus, let’s remember that he’s 34-years old. Yes, he’s that old. We just don’t realize it because he’s had that weird bald halo since he was 22-years old.

Next Game: Chicago (-1) vs. Seattle

28. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-2 SU/ATS)

David Garrard –37-for-71 completed (52.1%), 404 passing yards, 2 touchdowns, 1 pick, 72.7 rating, 5 sacks

Byron Leftwich –51-for-91 completed (56.0%), 572 yards, 4 touchdowns, 2 picks, 80.5 rating, 2 sacks

You think that’s bad? Projected for 2009:

Garrard – 3,232 yards, 16 touchdowns, 8 interceptions, 40 sacks

Leftwich – 4,576 yards, 32 touchdowns, 16 interceptions, 16 sacks

I’m just putting it out there…

Next Game: Jax vs. Houston (-3.5)

29. Detroit Lions (0-2 SU/ATS)

Calvin Johnson and Matthew Stafford are going to be scary good…in 2011.

Next Game: Washington -6.5 vs. Detroit

30. Cleveland Browns (0-2 SU/ATS)

Brady Quinn and Braylon Edwards are going to be mediocre…forever.

Next Game: Cleveland vs. Baltimore (-14)

31. Kansas City Chiefs (0-2 SU/ATS)

If this team had the Matt Cassel of 2008, the Larry Johnson of 2005 and the Tony Gonzalez of…um…2009, then this team would be AWESOME!

Next Game: KC vs. Philadelphia

32. St. Louis Rams (0-1 SU, 1-1 ATS)

It’s official. The “Free Steven Jackson!” campaign starts now.

Next Game: Green Bay (-8.5) vs. St. Louis