NFL Fantasy Football Special – Sleepers and Creepers

Ok Fantasy Mutants, I’m going to treat you lucky SOBs with some of my incredible wisdom, knowledge and foresight. I should almost call it hindsight it is so damn good.

First of all, don’t listen to all these creeps on podcasts and talk radio and in the ‘hood you kind of respect. Just follow what I say, and you are “GOLD JERRY GOLD.”

Don’t take the Creeps, take the Sleeps!

Sleepers – Scoop up these Fantasy Freaks:

Anquan Boldin – If somebody asks you what you’re holdin’, it better be Boldin’ (as far as Fantasy WRs go). This is the main guy, and Joe Flacco won’t be Slacco anymore about Boldin’ holdin’ his receptions. All the coaches are talking about that chemistry they have developed now he is in the second year there. He also has pressure off him with veteran Lee Evans brought in and of course Lay Lice. I mean Ray Rice. He is going close to 60 in most drafts and should be 45. Be Holdin’ Boldin’ this year.

Dez Bryant – If this cat is available around pick 40, snag DezNutz! The Cowgirls are putting all their biscuits in Austin and DezNutz basket for Romo. I don’t like Tony Romo as a pick, but these guys have to eat. I think DezNutz is the big play man this year.

Peyton Manning – I can already hear the teeth sucking and big exhales wondering WTF I’m talkin’ bout Willis with Peyton on the Sleepers list. Well, he is falling hard in drafts anywhere from 18-24 which is ridiculous. He will probably fall further, and I’m saying just look at the first 3 letters of his last name.

Creepers – Stick your buddy with these overpriced Creeps:

Jonathan Stewart – The only Jon Stewart you should be pursuing is on Comedy Central on weekday nights frickin’ KILLIN’ it on the Daily Show. WAAAH, he has a sore Achilles. Don’t let this guy be your Fantasy Achilles Heel ya heel. DeAngelo Williams is going after Shonn Greene in some leagues which is just moronic. Go after that cat!

Reggie Bush – I’m reading the same bologna sausage (sorry, my mom’s phrase) that you are about how well he is allegedly doing for the Dolphins. He is still going to suck, but he’s gonna have 2 really cool highlights from the season where he flys into mid-air, spins around, writes a book (wait, he can’t write), makes a touchdown and LOSES THE GAME!

Zach Miller – He’s a Raider. ‘Nuff Said.

Any Player on Cleveland, Cincinnati or Oakland – DON’T DO IT!! I don’t even want to hear your whiney reasons for any of those scrubs! LOSING teams, LOSING coaches, LOSING fantasy football team if you take anybody from the 3 she

Don’t you dare take Brees before Peyton Manning in YO draft unless YO a loser. This is what all the  scaredlil bitches are doing just that in this last week of Fantasy Drafts. Remember, this isn’t YOU playing after neck surgery. YOU would have went back to your parents’ basement and sulked for a year. The first

Kickers – Alex Henerery is the one exception I will EVER say to take before the last round. I just hope the people in my drafts aren’t reading this.

Tight Ends – JUST SAY NO!!

Defenses – Steelers in the draft pick number 80s, otherwise YOYO (YO ON YO OWN!)

Good Luck and kick some MF ASSSSSSSS in YO draft!