Cincinnati Bengals to Remain Brutal

Throughout the summer, I’m going to be sifting through the wad of NFL teams all vying to supplant the Pittsburgh Steelers as the Superbowl Champions. But one team I want to get out of the way is the Cincinnati Bengals, who might as well be renamed the “Bungles” or the “Brutals”.

Last season was a horrible mess. It was so bad that T.J. Houshmandzadeh left town to sign with Seattle, ditching his longtime running mate, Chad Whateverhisnameis, after serving in the college and pro ranks together for so many years. T.J. and Chad both scored just 4 touchdowns last season as Ryan Fitzpatrick never evolved in to a suitable backup after Carson Palmer bowed out for surgery.

If you think that’s bad, then consider that the entire running-back committee of Cincinnati scored 6 touchdowns, and turned over 5 fumbles. Is it any wonder that this band of idiots went 4-11-1 SU last season, finishing just 7-9 ATS? Absolutely not.

The return of Carson Palmer, however, has everyone in Cincinnati keeping their fingers crossed that the Bengals can return to contention. Palmer lasted just three games last season, and was sacked 11 times. To be honest, I’m not sure if he ever recovered from that ugly knee surgery from 2005 after Kimo Von Oelhofen destroyed the hopes and dreams of Cincinnati.

Now he has a torn elbow, and if we know anything about the elbow joint, it’s that it is extremely fragile. We also know that it never heals properly. How Jake Delhomme lasted all season without screwing up his arm is beyond me (maybe that 5-INT playoff performance was the wall?). The truth is that Carson’s best days may be behind him, and Cincinnati has been clinging on to the losing ways of Marvin Lewis for far too long.

Between the always volatile and distracting Chad Johnson/Ochocinqo, the troublesome injuries of Carson Palmer and the questionable reliability of Cedric Benson in the backfield, the offense for the Bengals is a mess. The defense isn’t that far behind either.

To escape the vicious AFC North, they’ll have to get past the Baltimore Ravens (+300 to win division) and one of the Superbowl favorites to get to the playoffs. Pittsburgh is -250 to win the division, and Cincinnati is +1000.

Two things should have happened in the past three years for Cincinnati. One, they should’ve shored up their quarterback position. And no, signing Jordan Palmer just because he’s Carson’s younger freaking brother is absurdly dumb. Second, Marvin Lewis should have been fired. I mean, how has not been already?

Whether you love or hate the Bengals, the offensive show that we were used to from Chad, T.J. and Carson is no more. Chad is a head case as far as I’m concerned. T.J. is in Seattle. Carson is, sadly, just a dead man walking. If you find yourself betting in this man’s shadow, your investments will be lost to the winds of Death Valley.